Sometimes, your heart just isn’t in it

Tonight is my last night home in Ontario, after almost a month here with my family, before heading back to British Columbia. And for some reason, right before leaving home, I always get a little wistful and emotional, as I am very close with my family and hate having to leave them behind. And quickly, I end up feeling like I’ll never see them again and I end up forcing myself into doing things I don’t really want to do, but I do it anyways because, “What if it’s the last time???” Quickly, these thoughts consume me to the point that I exhaust myself trying to please everyone but myself.

For example, last night was my last opportunity to go to the Yoga Warrior class with my Dad, which I really treasured as a bonding moment between the two of us. There is a connection between my Dad and I that goes beyond that of just father and daughter, it’s soldier to soldier. We have something special. So when I could blend my love for my Dad with my love for yoga, I was excited to have the opportunity. This is a photo of the two of us about to hope on the motorcycle, my Dad’s favourite relaxation tool.

But after a day of running errands and the hour for Yoga Warriors was drawing near, my heart just wasn’t in it. I had no drive to don my Sorels and step into the wet cold for the name of yoga and I could see the disappointment on my father’s face when I told him I didn’t plan on going. He is new to yoga and so for him, I think my presence in the studio served as a comfort. But even though I turned down the offer to go to class, my Dad surprised me by grabbing his yoga mat and heading out the door to class.

Instead of class, I went downstairs, took a few cleansing breaths and spent some time alone, getting in touch with myself, which I would have done in class anyways. By the time I came upstairs, my Dad was coming back in, a smile of relaxation on his face. For someone as skeptical as him, I was surprised to find that he had really enjoyed himself.

So yesterday, my heart wasn’t in it, and I didn’t push myself to do something that both my mind and my body weren’t ready for. Instead, I recruited a new yogi in my Dad. I think that’s enough work for today!

So embrace the days when you just don’t have it in you but also, take a few moments to reflect on whether or not a yoga class might help you find what you’re looking for. Sometimes, relaxation can be found on the mat, in class or in the living room. It’s all about finding peace within yourself…the location in which you do it is irrelevant.


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