The normal routines of our lives give us much comfort. As long as we are functioning within these day to day normalcies, it seems that we can handle just about anything. Multi-tasking and juggling the many things on our to-do lists comes as naturally as sleeping and eating. Just how busy we are and exactly how much stress our bodies are under can easily go unnoticed.
As soon as something happens that is completely unexpected or seemingly traumatic it is easy to become focused on that one thing. Tunnel vision takes over and the hundreds of thoughts that existed before disappear. The mind reflects only on the situation at hand. It is a maddening experience. Since I am well aware of the workings of the law of attraction the experience was even more frustrating because I could not focus my thoughts or intentions on anything positive. This of course brought to me more of the same negative thoughts and feelings.
I am tempted to excuse my behavior by saying that in this case it revolved around my daughter. We all love our children and when it comes to their health or well being we may feel entitled to a little bit of worry and panic. The truth is that probably had I retained composure and took the time to meditate or draw from the abundant energy that surrounds us things would have gone smoother not just for me, but for my whole family as well.
In the beginning of her illness I tried to practice Reiki. I had just been initiated a few weeks ago and thought that quite possibly I could help her. We sat by a tree with our bottoms on the ground and our backs leaned against the trunk of the tree. I invoked the Reiki power symbol and placed my hands on her throat and crown chakra. We sat for twenty minutes breathing in unison. (She thought I was crazy) When we came back into the house, her fever had dropped 3 degrees without medicine. I was particularly amazed. The longer her illness progressed however the less effective my Reiki was. Eventually it too became as useless as the prescriptions and Motrin the doctors were giving her. I knew it was because I was losing my connection, because I had stopped trusting that all would be well. I was beginning to let fear take over. I went back and forth between doing Reiki treatments and taking her to the doctor. In the dark at night I was simply resolved to crying. Why could no one help her? Why could I not help her? What was wrong with my little girl?
Needless to say things went from bad to worse and she was hospitalized. My fears were realized and very aggressive treatment began. They looked for cancer, lymes disease, cat scratch fever and everything else under the sun that could lead to a diagnosis. I was simply in panic mode. Stressed from head to toe. I am sure that many mothers have felt this way.
The important part of this though is not how I was feeling. Now that things are calm and almost normal again, I realize what a lesson I was being taught. From yoga class, to energy arts healing, to my personal studies and beliefs about the universe I should have been strong enough to maintain. My beliefs were not being tested; however I feel that I was being slightly tested. As soon as things got to a point where I did not feel comfortable I lost sight of the power within me, the power around me, and the power of love. It has a lot to do with my attachments as a mother. The thing is that with spirituality and complete openness to life comes the responsibility on the part of the person to always trust and to have faith. Time is our friend, and in time things will always be well. The panic and frenzied thoughts and worry and physical stress are all simply signs of a lack of faith and a feeling of insecurity in life. God promises all of us at a spiritual level that all we need, all we want is there waiting for us.
In the midst of this drama in my life I refused to see, refused to believe and refused to let the world unravel as it would. I do wonder what may have been different had I been calmer, more relaxed and more trusting of the universe. What if I had let my husband sit with her for an hour, long enough to take my scheduled yoga class? What if I meditated or took just a few minutes to reach the abundance of energy and love that is tucked away in the innate? Hysteria is an awful place to be and even worse thing to feel. I somehow along this lesson forgot that I had the choice.
Quite simply, my advice is to remember that we always have the choice to decide how we are going to feel, how we are going to respond and how we are going to act. We can decide to be hysterical with worry and blocked from the energy of wellbeing, or we can decide to trust that we are on the right path and that in time, all will always be well. My biggest regret is that the learning came through a source so close to my human heart. I suppose though had the lesson been taught with a less important factor, my learning would have not been so great.